“History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, but if faced with courage, need not be lived again.”
– Maya Angelou
Partners of Sex Addicts
The number one question I hear from betrayed partners is this:
“When am I going to feel better?”
I know, that’s such a hard one. Typically, there are stages of recovery from this trauma, and sadly, you cannot race through them. You can, however, watch for them, and with my help, know when the next stage is on the horizon. Because, if you need a silver lining to this cloud, here it is: you will emerge from this horror a stronger person, and you will never be able to be hurt this badly again.
These are the stages of recovery you will go through as you heal:
- Pre-discovery
- Crisis/Decision/Information gathering
- Shock
- Grief/Ambivalence
- Repair
- Growth
When working with betrayed partners, I use a trauma model. Partners of infidelity, betrayal, and sex addiction are wounded, fragile, and often angry. You have been traumatized, and you should be treated as such. I will help you learn to use the three C’s of betrayal trauma recovery:
- You didn’t cause it.
- You can’t cure it.
- You can’t control it.
You are not alone. I will help you develop good boundaries, establish your voice, keep yourself emotionally, physically, and sexually safe, and know when it’s time to make the next move. I will help you determine what that next move is, based on who you are, how you feel, and what you need. No one should go through this trauma alone; I will also help you to determine when, how and with whom you should share your story. As a trained clinical partner trauma therapist, I know how to help you traverse this most difficult path, and I will walk it with you.
“Trauma fractures comprehension as a pebble shatters a windshield.
The wound at the site of impact spreads across the field of vision, obscuring reality and challenging belief.”
– Jane Leavy